Still Waiting

My emotions were sky high during my last flow. I felt like this year is progressing so quickly with no sign of me being pregnant. I have been praying more along this line and specifically asking God to make me pregnant again soon.

Sometimes I wonder it this is the right way to pray. I've tried all forms of praying and believing and just wonder what the problem is. I'll like to try another IVF but finances are limited. I know deep down that God will do it, but it's a question of when.

My flows are getting better and are more regular than they've been for years. I am positive that God will hear and answer, but when Lord?
My husband, bless him has been encouraging saying we should just enjoy our lives without kids, that he won't love me any less, that is not the point, I just want God's word to be fulfilled in our home.

I have so many things I want to do with our kids, I want to stay at home and bake, cook and clean, I want to run around in the garden with then.
I want to go for long walks with my baby in the pram and wave at other mums.
I want to take time off work and just enjoy being a mum.
I will love every moment of motherhood I promise,
I will welcome the sleepless nights, the endless cries, and whatever else comes with being a mum, but until then, Lord, I am still waiting.

Today the 12 April brings back memories of this post written on the 6 March 2010.

Today I am a mum of 2 young girls.
Today, I have  enjoyed all of the things I wanted to do as mum 6 years ago.
I run around the garden with my two girls.
I bake with them,
I did go for long walks on with my baby and wave at other mums
I took over 2 years off work to be a mum and enjoyed every minute of that
I had lots of sleepless nights and didn't complain.

Today I am no longer waiting.

Your story may still be one of waiting, but tomorrow your story may change.
Your captivity may turn to your
Your day of motherhood will come
Till then
Wait, in joy, abound in hope, be still.

Choosing Joy

Thanks to all those who encouraged me after my last post. I am really encouraged.

God has been speaking to me about my purpose and my calling, about why he created us. Everyone is going through stuff. There are those who want kids, jobs, husbands, financial break through, bigger house, food, liberation, you name it.
What is really our purpose? To seek these things? No, we were created for one reason and one reason only, to worship him, to seek his kingdom first and he will then add all these other things Including kids! to us.

My primary focus now is to seek him for who he his, I have found tremendous Joy from being in his presence. I am being healed daily and it's so surprising to me the relief I get from being with him why didn't I know this before I ask? Because I was seeking him for my needs, not for who he is.

He has made me stronger, better and more joyful, I have come to the point where I will no longer question but choose to trust!

He has shown me that If I cannot be joyful and happy now without kids, what makes me think that I will be Joyful and happy when I have them with all the responsibilities, sleepless nights, thoughts of child care, and other challenges that comes with being a parent.

I have decided to be Joyful on purpose, yes offense will come, people will get pregnant, have kids, get married, move house, I am choosing Joy and just like the song by Mary, Mary, "I've cried my last tears, yesterday" "cos I've decided to trust God"

I am choosing Joy, because he is my all in all, my peace, my righteousness, my healer, my redeemer, because in him I live, move and have my being. Therefore my job is to serve him with gladness and trust that whatever he is doing is going to work out for my good just like he said.

So I encourage everyone who is waiting on the Lord for children, husbands, jobs, healing, financial breakthrough, seek him first because with him comes all these things.