Hi All,
So I had my first child in 2011 and stop writing, right? wrong. I did not stop writing, it is my passion, my daily bread. But the duties of mum to 2 kids under 3 at the time were too much to write and update.
I was lost, I didn't know what to share, I know, maybe I could have shared mummy news. The truth is I didn't want to, simply because my readership weren't at the same stage I was at.
Fast forward, four years and I am back.
This blog will not be sharing mummy news or baby mile stones, rather we will encourage and provide updates on fertility and infertility news, stories etc.
My hope is that someone will find something from reading a post on this blog.
thank you.
Friday, 5 February 2016
Wednesday, 21 September 2011
My Little princess
My Little princess is 2 months old, can't believe it.
She's brought us so much joy.
The days goes so fast though, keeping this blog is now secondary, I wil try and see if I can keep it.
Thanks all for your prayers and support
She's brought us so much joy.
The days goes so fast though, keeping this blog is now secondary, I wil try and see if I can keep it.
Thanks all for your prayers and support
Wednesday, 13 April 2011
My Secret Place
When you've been through a path you are familiar with over and over again and become use to it. When you embrace your plight because you've become use to being there, when change knocks, but doubt keeps the door tightly shut.
when you finally open the door to change but with it comes fear of the unknown and an unwillingness to let go of the path you know.
Then you retreat to the secret place, a place where your fears fade and hope is restored,
A place were you can see through the mist of the pain and dark night and believe that it will be alright again.
A place were no foe can break through or dread permeate
This secret place is full of peace, assurance, love and renewed vision.
A place that tells you it is ok to let go of familiar path and dream again.
I go to the secret place
when you finally open the door to change but with it comes fear of the unknown and an unwillingness to let go of the path you know.
Then you retreat to the secret place, a place where your fears fade and hope is restored,
A place were you can see through the mist of the pain and dark night and believe that it will be alright again.
A place were no foe can break through or dread permeate
This secret place is full of peace, assurance, love and renewed vision.
A place that tells you it is ok to let go of familiar path and dream again.
I go to the secret place
Friday, 25 February 2011
A Good Wait!
Well Folks,
This is the time I get to share the good new, we are expecting our own little B.
So excited.
Thanks for all your prayers and support.
It has been a hard road, which was a reason I was not able to post any updates.
So here it is.
God does answer prayers.
This is the time I get to share the good new, we are expecting our own little B.
So excited.
Thanks for all your prayers and support.
It has been a hard road, which was a reason I was not able to post any updates.
So here it is.
God does answer prayers.
Wednesday, 14 July 2010
Stay Quiet
No positive news to update on.
The wait continues.
Long into the night, filled with empty space, I long for what is elusive
I hope perhaps, this month will bring an end to the flow
As the lines on the kit turns double lines.
The Wait contiunes, no not for the kit to show two lines, but for my life to begin!
when will that be? I wonder,
I live but do I really?
why is the longing waning?
Why is the desire fading?
I know why? I no longer wait and stare longing at a child or pregnant woman,
waiting for expected delivery date to arrive
No! I just stay,
pray and sing, be sad when I feel like
or be happy and joyful when I feel like too!
Cry when the tears feel like falling!
and just stay!
Stay quiet and attend to the details of my life which are working out well
I just stay!
You may be in that place where nothing makes sense and you want to quite, you don't know how to carry on, but you do any way.
Be still and know that He is God. He sees your Pain
Lean on him and stay.
The wait continues.
Long into the night, filled with empty space, I long for what is elusive
I hope perhaps, this month will bring an end to the flow
As the lines on the kit turns double lines.
The Wait contiunes, no not for the kit to show two lines, but for my life to begin!
when will that be? I wonder,
I live but do I really?
why is the longing waning?
Why is the desire fading?
I know why? I no longer wait and stare longing at a child or pregnant woman,
waiting for expected delivery date to arrive
No! I just stay,
pray and sing, be sad when I feel like
or be happy and joyful when I feel like too!
Cry when the tears feel like falling!
and just stay!
Stay quiet and attend to the details of my life which are working out well
I just stay!
You may be in that place where nothing makes sense and you want to quite, you don't know how to carry on, but you do any way.
Be still and know that He is God. He sees your Pain
Lean on him and stay.
Friday, 16 April 2010
Change tatics
We were created to fellowship with God. It therefore means that our primary activity here on earth is to walk day by day with God worshiping him.
95% of our prayer life should be praise, worship, and thanksgiving. Not asking, complaining, crying and pleading with God to do something.
What do we mean when we ask God to grant us the desires of our heart?
What are these desires anyway? Do we really think he doesn’t already know what we need or want? Why then is our mentality automatically one of asking him to do for us?
Here’s my answer: God has done and granted us all that we will ever need or want. He did that on Calvary when he died to give us life and this life comes with all that we need. No wonder most of our prayers go unanswered because we spend little time fellowshipping and worshiping him but telling him what he already knows!
He said before you call I will answer, when you call I will hear.
He said come into his presents with thanks giving enter into his courts with praise.
Yes we can ask God for things and issue but given that he already knows, why waste time reciting it to him? God’s already done it our prayer cannot change him. Surprise, are you?
God has already done it we don’t have it because we have not receive it. Yes, when you come into his presence with a mentality of asking him to do…. Rather than thanking him for having already done… we come unsure and when we don’t’ receive we automatically rationalise it.
We’ve reasoned …. Maybe there’s sin in my life
I am not praying enough…
It is not his will…. Or not his time….
We’ve not done this or done that…..
If our reasoning of God is like this, then it is flawed. God is not angry with us, we did nothing to merit Jesus? If we didn’t’ deserve Jesus, why then after salvation do we think and act like we have to DO to deserve his blessings? Are all the blessings not in Jesus? Or is the cross separate from certain blessings?
God is loving, kind, good and faithful. He’s done it, all we have to do is start praising him for the answer. Step in and receive the finish work done at Calvary, stop asking him to do what he’s already done.
Will we not wait for our child to cry, plead, knee, do the chores and such like before we pay their hospital bill, take them on holiday, and clothe them, WE EVEN ANTICIPTATE THEIR NEED BEFORE THEY ARISE!
Why do we think less of God? You don’t I hear you say, why then do you beg him to do what he’s already done, when you have not accepted his finished work?
We quote scriptures of the unjust judge who relented and showed mercy after persistence asking from the subject. We also quote scriptures of the friend who knocked on the door of his friend’s house because he had nothing to give his visitor and persisted until his friend opened the door to him and gave him what he asked to get rid of him.
Jesus was saying here, if this judge and your friend are humans and will only answer after your persistence, given that I am not a man and am loving and kind, I won’t wait for you to cry, shout, plead and knock. I will do better, before you call I will hear, while you are yet praying I will answer.
No wonder prayer is not exciting because we view it as a chore, will you go back to your friend in the event of another need knowing that he reluctantly opened to you the last time? The same thing with God praying about the same issue wearies us; we keep coming with the same issuing in order to remind him, as if he has forgotten! no wonder we don’t look forward to praying, because at the back of our minds is the thought “I’ve been praying and asking about this issue for a long time now still no result, I’ll just keep at it one day he will have mercy” with this attitude, we’ve made the Cross of Christ of no effect.
We should approach the throne of grace boldly with thanksgiving: sing his praise, thanking him for his goodness, for his love and just get loss in his presence, just fellowship and worship, you’ll be surprised and filled with faith that by the time you mention your request it will be with a thankful heart and for only a few minutes! After thanking and worshipping him you will find yourself saying. Father I think I have this need, but I know you are already aware and have made the provision. I trust your grace and believe you’ve supplied the answer. So I step in and accept all the answer, I thank you for providing it. Go back to praising and worshipping him you’d be greatly surprised that you will lack nothing with this new approach to prayer!
95% of our prayer life should be praise, worship, and thanksgiving. Not asking, complaining, crying and pleading with God to do something.
What do we mean when we ask God to grant us the desires of our heart?
What are these desires anyway? Do we really think he doesn’t already know what we need or want? Why then is our mentality automatically one of asking him to do for us?
Here’s my answer: God has done and granted us all that we will ever need or want. He did that on Calvary when he died to give us life and this life comes with all that we need. No wonder most of our prayers go unanswered because we spend little time fellowshipping and worshiping him but telling him what he already knows!
He said before you call I will answer, when you call I will hear.
He said come into his presents with thanks giving enter into his courts with praise.
Yes we can ask God for things and issue but given that he already knows, why waste time reciting it to him? God’s already done it our prayer cannot change him. Surprise, are you?
God has already done it we don’t have it because we have not receive it. Yes, when you come into his presence with a mentality of asking him to do…. Rather than thanking him for having already done… we come unsure and when we don’t’ receive we automatically rationalise it.
We’ve reasoned …. Maybe there’s sin in my life
I am not praying enough…
It is not his will…. Or not his time….
We’ve not done this or done that…..
If our reasoning of God is like this, then it is flawed. God is not angry with us, we did nothing to merit Jesus? If we didn’t’ deserve Jesus, why then after salvation do we think and act like we have to DO to deserve his blessings? Are all the blessings not in Jesus? Or is the cross separate from certain blessings?
God is loving, kind, good and faithful. He’s done it, all we have to do is start praising him for the answer. Step in and receive the finish work done at Calvary, stop asking him to do what he’s already done.
Will we not wait for our child to cry, plead, knee, do the chores and such like before we pay their hospital bill, take them on holiday, and clothe them, WE EVEN ANTICIPTATE THEIR NEED BEFORE THEY ARISE!
Why do we think less of God? You don’t I hear you say, why then do you beg him to do what he’s already done, when you have not accepted his finished work?
We quote scriptures of the unjust judge who relented and showed mercy after persistence asking from the subject. We also quote scriptures of the friend who knocked on the door of his friend’s house because he had nothing to give his visitor and persisted until his friend opened the door to him and gave him what he asked to get rid of him.
Jesus was saying here, if this judge and your friend are humans and will only answer after your persistence, given that I am not a man and am loving and kind, I won’t wait for you to cry, shout, plead and knock. I will do better, before you call I will hear, while you are yet praying I will answer.
No wonder prayer is not exciting because we view it as a chore, will you go back to your friend in the event of another need knowing that he reluctantly opened to you the last time? The same thing with God praying about the same issue wearies us; we keep coming with the same issuing in order to remind him, as if he has forgotten! no wonder we don’t look forward to praying, because at the back of our minds is the thought “I’ve been praying and asking about this issue for a long time now still no result, I’ll just keep at it one day he will have mercy” with this attitude, we’ve made the Cross of Christ of no effect.
We should approach the throne of grace boldly with thanksgiving: sing his praise, thanking him for his goodness, for his love and just get loss in his presence, just fellowship and worship, you’ll be surprised and filled with faith that by the time you mention your request it will be with a thankful heart and for only a few minutes! After thanking and worshipping him you will find yourself saying. Father I think I have this need, but I know you are already aware and have made the provision. I trust your grace and believe you’ve supplied the answer. So I step in and accept all the answer, I thank you for providing it. Go back to praising and worshipping him you’d be greatly surprised that you will lack nothing with this new approach to prayer!
Tuesday, 16 March 2010
Thanks
The other day I rambled on and on.
Thanks to all those who left comments of encouragements, they meant a lot.
Mother's day went without any event. I hate receiving cards or calls of encouragement. In a way I was dreading the day because I knew my friends and family will call or text a happy mother's day message. I was secretly hoping they won't remember me. I know they mean well but really I don't mind not getting a greeting, I hate being patronised for anyone to thinking I am at home sulking, cause I wasn't.
I was fine on the day really, happy and relaxed. Church was great, we had a special programme and it was really nice to be around so many women of faith.
And as I wished, I received only 3 text messages, from people who really mean a lot to me, trying friends too.
I felt bad that I didn't think to send them text on the day. Here I was thinking only of myself and forgetting other's who would have loved a call of encouragement. I repented and asked God to grant all those waiting their heart's desire by next mother's day.
My God daughter, (bless her) called me at 7.00 am to wish me happy mother's day. I was still sleeping but her message was so sweet. At 5 years of age I am not sure she understood what she was wishing me, but it meant the world to me.
To all those who didn't have a son or daughter of their own to wish them happy Mother's day.
I pray that the good Lord will grant you your heart's desires to be mums and to have your own little burden of Joy by this time Next year.
Happy belated Mother's Day.
Rina
Thanks to all those who left comments of encouragements, they meant a lot.
Mother's day went without any event. I hate receiving cards or calls of encouragement. In a way I was dreading the day because I knew my friends and family will call or text a happy mother's day message. I was secretly hoping they won't remember me. I know they mean well but really I don't mind not getting a greeting, I hate being patronised for anyone to thinking I am at home sulking, cause I wasn't.
I was fine on the day really, happy and relaxed. Church was great, we had a special programme and it was really nice to be around so many women of faith.
And as I wished, I received only 3 text messages, from people who really mean a lot to me, trying friends too.
I felt bad that I didn't think to send them text on the day. Here I was thinking only of myself and forgetting other's who would have loved a call of encouragement. I repented and asked God to grant all those waiting their heart's desire by next mother's day.
My God daughter, (bless her) called me at 7.00 am to wish me happy mother's day. I was still sleeping but her message was so sweet. At 5 years of age I am not sure she understood what she was wishing me, but it meant the world to me.
To all those who didn't have a son or daughter of their own to wish them happy Mother's day.
I pray that the good Lord will grant you your heart's desires to be mums and to have your own little burden of Joy by this time Next year.
Happy belated Mother's Day.
Rina
Saturday, 6 March 2010
Still Waiting
My emotions were sky high during my last flow. I felt like this year is progressing so quickly with no sign of me being pregnant. I have been praying more along this line and specifically asking God to make me pregnant again soon.
Sometimes I wonder it this is the right way to pray. I've tried all forms of praying and believing and just wonder what the problem is. I'll like to try another IVF but finances are limited. I know deep down that God will do it, but it's a question of when.
My flows are getting better and are more regular than they've been for years. I am positive that God will hear and answer, but when Lord?
My husband, bless him has been encouraging saying we should just enjoy our lives without kids, that he won't love me any less, that is not the point, I just want God's word to be fulfilled in our home.
I have so many things I want to do with our kids, I want to stay at home and bake, cook and clean, I want to run around in the garden with then.
I want to go for long walks with my baby in the pram and wave at other mums.
I want to take time off work and just enjoy being a mum.
I will love every moment of motherhood I promise,
I will welcome the sleepless nights, the endless cries, and whatever else comes with being a mum, but until then, Lord, I am still waiting.
Today the 12 April brings back memories of this post written on the 6 March 2010.
Today I am a mum of 2 young girls.
Today, I have enjoyed all of the things I wanted to do as mum 6 years ago.
I run around the garden with my two girls.
I bake with them,
I did go for long walks on with my baby and wave at other mums
I took over 2 years off work to be a mum and enjoyed every minute of that
I had lots of sleepless nights and didn't complain.
Today I am no longer waiting.
Your story may still be one of waiting, but tomorrow your story may change.
Your captivity may turn to your
Your day of motherhood will come
Till then
Wait, in joy, abound in hope, be still.
Sometimes I wonder it this is the right way to pray. I've tried all forms of praying and believing and just wonder what the problem is. I'll like to try another IVF but finances are limited. I know deep down that God will do it, but it's a question of when.
My flows are getting better and are more regular than they've been for years. I am positive that God will hear and answer, but when Lord?
My husband, bless him has been encouraging saying we should just enjoy our lives without kids, that he won't love me any less, that is not the point, I just want God's word to be fulfilled in our home.
I have so many things I want to do with our kids, I want to stay at home and bake, cook and clean, I want to run around in the garden with then.
I want to go for long walks with my baby in the pram and wave at other mums.
I want to take time off work and just enjoy being a mum.
I will love every moment of motherhood I promise,
I will welcome the sleepless nights, the endless cries, and whatever else comes with being a mum, but until then, Lord, I am still waiting.
Today the 12 April brings back memories of this post written on the 6 March 2010.
Today I am a mum of 2 young girls.
Today, I have enjoyed all of the things I wanted to do as mum 6 years ago.
I run around the garden with my two girls.
I bake with them,
I did go for long walks on with my baby and wave at other mums
I took over 2 years off work to be a mum and enjoyed every minute of that
I had lots of sleepless nights and didn't complain.
Today I am no longer waiting.
Your story may still be one of waiting, but tomorrow your story may change.
Your captivity may turn to your
Your day of motherhood will come
Till then
Wait, in joy, abound in hope, be still.
Wednesday, 6 January 2010
Maybe This Year
Maybe it will be me,
waddling around with a burden,
joyously trotting on,
waddling around with a burden,
joyously trotting on,
maybe it will be me with a secret grin
as I await the extension of my protruding bump
excited about the outcome of what will be
Maybe it will be me,
in and out of all the shops
Invading them for little wares of blues or pink
and maybe both
Maybe it will be me
tirelessly waiting and counting the days
till my due date
to the arrival of our much awaited own burden of Joy
may be it will be me
packing up my bag for the trip to the birthing unit,
patiently and eagerly counting down the time
Maybe it will be me,
Writing out that birth announcement,
to friends and family of the arrival of baby Dion
Maybe it will be me, happily staying awake, nursing Dion,
and loving every minute
or maybe it will be me,
with dripping bibs and unkempt house,
not ashamed to smile amidst it all,
thankful for the cause of the mayhem,
So this year, Lord, maybe it will be me with that stick,
looking for that +ve sign,
that first heartbeat,
the second, the last scan
and finally the sweet sound from baby Dion as we welcome him/her to our beautiful world.
Maybe, maybe it will be us Lord! I want it to be us; we want it to be us.
We believe, we hope, we pray.
So Maybe, Just Maybe 2010 will be the year of possibilities.
Monday, 28 December 2009
A relief
After coming back from my Christmas holiday, I feel relaxed and relief that my period didn't come this month while on holiday. It was a hectic time away, the climbing and walking and hiking did us good. Now we are ready for all God has in store for us in 2010.
Happy New Year.
Happy New Year.
Saturday, 28 November 2009
Being Grateful
Being thankful can be difficult especially when we look at the cup that is half empty.
Its so easy to focus on the what might have beings, than on what was and what actually is right now.
Being grateful doesn't come easy, especially during the most trying and difficult times of our lives, because our focus is on our situation and to be honest even when we give God thanks in the mist of it all, it is with a heavy heart, and sometimes not to appear ungrateful, kind of out of duty and not out of a heart that is truly grateful in spite of the odds!
So in the spirit of thanksgiving!
I am truly grateful in the mist of it all,
despite the odds, amidst the tears and the disappointments, in spite of the pain,
Lord I am grateful,
Grateful for the life you've given us,
Grateful for health, job, family and friends
We am not improvised,
nor destitute
for food, clothing and shelter.
You've blessed us beyond our wildest dreams and for this
We are grateful.
Its so easy to focus on the what might have beings, than on what was and what actually is right now.
Being grateful doesn't come easy, especially during the most trying and difficult times of our lives, because our focus is on our situation and to be honest even when we give God thanks in the mist of it all, it is with a heavy heart, and sometimes not to appear ungrateful, kind of out of duty and not out of a heart that is truly grateful in spite of the odds!
So in the spirit of thanksgiving!
I am truly grateful in the mist of it all,
despite the odds, amidst the tears and the disappointments, in spite of the pain,
Lord I am grateful,
Grateful for the life you've given us,
Grateful for health, job, family and friends
We am not improvised,
nor destitute
for food, clothing and shelter.
You've blessed us beyond our wildest dreams and for this
We are grateful.
Tuesday, 20 October 2009
Down through the path ways of life I wander
through the shadows of doubt and fear I tread
littered down this road are tears,
which serves as reminders of my dreads
down the path way of desires I stare
wondering amidst the clouds of pain
and through the mist of gloom
when desires will be come real and
and that which is hoped for within reach.
Down the path I walk on, for ahead looms the goal
within reached amidst the fits
and I as wander on in fear,
I feel his touch and his presence assured
urging me on, for the my dawn is near!
Rina!
and hi
through the shadows of doubt and fear I tread
littered down this road are tears,
which serves as reminders of my dreads
down the path way of desires I stare
wondering amidst the clouds of pain
and through the mist of gloom
when desires will be come real and
and that which is hoped for within reach.
Down the path I walk on, for ahead looms the goal
within reached amidst the fits
and I as wander on in fear,
I feel his touch and his presence assured
urging me on, for the my dawn is near!
Rina!
and hi
Wednesday, 14 October 2009
God's Faithfulness
He's been faithful to me,
When my heart felt faint
'cos the wait felt long
He's remain faithful
He's been faithful to me
When the tears just won't stop
and the rain fell quick in torrential pour
He's been faithful to me
When in doubt I felt still
and my knees just won't bend
He's been faithful to me
Through out the years and in spite of my fears,
Through the changing gears of life
He's remain faithful to me.
Rina
When my heart felt faint
'cos the wait felt long
He's remain faithful
He's been faithful to me
When the tears just won't stop
and the rain fell quick in torrential pour
He's been faithful to me
When in doubt I felt still
and my knees just won't bend
He's been faithful to me
Through out the years and in spite of my fears,
Through the changing gears of life
He's remain faithful to me.
Rina
Thursday, 16 July 2009
Choosing Joy
Thanks to all those who encouraged me after my last post. I am really encouraged.
God has been speaking to me about my purpose and my calling, about why he created us. Everyone is going through stuff. There are those who want kids, jobs, husbands, financial break through, bigger house, food, liberation, you name it.
What is really our purpose? To seek these things? No, we were created for one reason and one reason only, to worship him, to seek his kingdom first and he will then add all these other things Including kids! to us.
My primary focus now is to seek him for who he his, I have found tremendous Joy from being in his presence. I am being healed daily and it's so surprising to me the relief I get from being with him why didn't I know this before I ask? Because I was seeking him for my needs, not for who he is.
He has made me stronger, better and more joyful, I have come to the point where I will no longer question but choose to trust!
He has shown me that If I cannot be joyful and happy now without kids, what makes me think that I will be Joyful and happy when I have them with all the responsibilities, sleepless nights, thoughts of child care, and other challenges that comes with being a parent.
I have decided to be Joyful on purpose, yes offense will come, people will get pregnant, have kids, get married, move house, I am choosing Joy and just like the song by Mary, Mary, "I've cried my last tears, yesterday" "cos I've decided to trust God"
I am choosing Joy, because he is my all in all, my peace, my righteousness, my healer, my redeemer, because in him I live, move and have my being. Therefore my job is to serve him with gladness and trust that whatever he is doing is going to work out for my good just like he said.
So I encourage everyone who is waiting on the Lord for children, husbands, jobs, healing, financial breakthrough, seek him first because with him comes all these things.
God has been speaking to me about my purpose and my calling, about why he created us. Everyone is going through stuff. There are those who want kids, jobs, husbands, financial break through, bigger house, food, liberation, you name it.
What is really our purpose? To seek these things? No, we were created for one reason and one reason only, to worship him, to seek his kingdom first and he will then add all these other things Including kids! to us.
My primary focus now is to seek him for who he his, I have found tremendous Joy from being in his presence. I am being healed daily and it's so surprising to me the relief I get from being with him why didn't I know this before I ask? Because I was seeking him for my needs, not for who he is.
He has made me stronger, better and more joyful, I have come to the point where I will no longer question but choose to trust!
He has shown me that If I cannot be joyful and happy now without kids, what makes me think that I will be Joyful and happy when I have them with all the responsibilities, sleepless nights, thoughts of child care, and other challenges that comes with being a parent.
I have decided to be Joyful on purpose, yes offense will come, people will get pregnant, have kids, get married, move house, I am choosing Joy and just like the song by Mary, Mary, "I've cried my last tears, yesterday" "cos I've decided to trust God"
I am choosing Joy, because he is my all in all, my peace, my righteousness, my healer, my redeemer, because in him I live, move and have my being. Therefore my job is to serve him with gladness and trust that whatever he is doing is going to work out for my good just like he said.
So I encourage everyone who is waiting on the Lord for children, husbands, jobs, healing, financial breakthrough, seek him first because with him comes all these things.
Sunday, 12 July 2009
Is It Ok to Ask Why?
I wonder, is it ok to ask God questions? Questions about our situations? Is it a sin to ask why?
Right now I feel like asking alot of questions.
Just like Job who echoed, shall we recieve good only and not evil? Shall we recieve evil only and not good I say?
I am just so full of emotions right now I need to spill this out. Just learnt that my brother-in-law and his wife are expecting their first child! You see she is going to be 41 this year, they've only been married 6 months and she is 3 months pregnant.
If my second pregnancy had progressed normally, I would have been one week ahead of her.
On hearing the news, I fell apart, I was happy for them but this was a reminder of my recent loss.
I sat lost for word, tears started falling down my face, for the first time since the last misscarriage I carried tears of loss.
And I wondered why me God, why? So many thoughts crossed my mind, I should have been sharing my news, we would have been on maternity leave together, do things together, what is wrong with me Lord? One minute I couldn't get pregnant, now I get pregnant and can't keep the babies, Lord, these people don't know you. They don't fast and pray for a baby, they don't haven your word to stand on, yet it came so easily for them, why not me Lord?
I am so glad my brother-in-law told my hubby over the phone, that saved me the energy of having to go throught the motions.
Why did it hurt so bad? I am happy for them of course, but it just made my own situation so real. I can imagine the whole family members sending their congratulations and wandering about us?
My colleague at work is expecting too and we would have been due almost the same time had the first pregnany stayed, now this! it seems that everyone is sharing their good news but me. She is going on maternity leave this week, yesterday was my due date for the last pregnancy. Just when I was getting over it I learnt of this news.
Sometimes it appears that God wants me to be pregnant alone, all my friends have had children and some have finished.
I still love God, and believe his word for us will be fulfilled, but its just not knowing when and having to deal with other people's news. I feel like hiding away and doing my thing, just leaving one day at a time.
Well I just have to run to him and cry to him as my father he knows best. I believe this is my test and when he has tried me I shall come forth as pure gold.
Right now I feel like asking alot of questions.
Just like Job who echoed, shall we recieve good only and not evil? Shall we recieve evil only and not good I say?
I am just so full of emotions right now I need to spill this out. Just learnt that my brother-in-law and his wife are expecting their first child! You see she is going to be 41 this year, they've only been married 6 months and she is 3 months pregnant.
If my second pregnancy had progressed normally, I would have been one week ahead of her.
On hearing the news, I fell apart, I was happy for them but this was a reminder of my recent loss.
I sat lost for word, tears started falling down my face, for the first time since the last misscarriage I carried tears of loss.
And I wondered why me God, why? So many thoughts crossed my mind, I should have been sharing my news, we would have been on maternity leave together, do things together, what is wrong with me Lord? One minute I couldn't get pregnant, now I get pregnant and can't keep the babies, Lord, these people don't know you. They don't fast and pray for a baby, they don't haven your word to stand on, yet it came so easily for them, why not me Lord?
I am so glad my brother-in-law told my hubby over the phone, that saved me the energy of having to go throught the motions.
Why did it hurt so bad? I am happy for them of course, but it just made my own situation so real. I can imagine the whole family members sending their congratulations and wandering about us?
My colleague at work is expecting too and we would have been due almost the same time had the first pregnany stayed, now this! it seems that everyone is sharing their good news but me. She is going on maternity leave this week, yesterday was my due date for the last pregnancy. Just when I was getting over it I learnt of this news.
Sometimes it appears that God wants me to be pregnant alone, all my friends have had children and some have finished.
I still love God, and believe his word for us will be fulfilled, but its just not knowing when and having to deal with other people's news. I feel like hiding away and doing my thing, just leaving one day at a time.
Well I just have to run to him and cry to him as my father he knows best. I believe this is my test and when he has tried me I shall come forth as pure gold.
Saturday, 4 July 2009
The Waiting Room
Staring into space,
A blank look on her face
Deep in thought,
She waited,
Others joined in the wait
For answers to quest long sought for.
They wait, in this room there is space for all
Some waited
For few moments, minutes, hours, days and years
Some wait ended with tears of Joy,
Others in acceptance of the master's planner.
I wait sometimes impatiently, questioning the time in the waiting room
I wait sometimes with a secret grim, knowing my turn will come.
I wait now not with fear, anxiety, worry or impatience
I wait n hope,
in expectation of a dawn
One where faith will become substance.
I wait because he renews my strength in the waiting room.
A blank look on her face
Deep in thought,
She waited,
Others joined in the wait
For answers to quest long sought for.
They wait, in this room there is space for all
Some waited
For few moments, minutes, hours, days and years
Some wait ended with tears of Joy,
Others in acceptance of the master's planner.
I wait sometimes impatiently, questioning the time in the waiting room
I wait sometimes with a secret grim, knowing my turn will come.
I wait now not with fear, anxiety, worry or impatience
I wait n hope,
in expectation of a dawn
One where faith will become substance.
I wait because he renews my strength in the waiting room.
Wednesday, 6 May 2009
A Preview Into The Heart of A Woman In Waiting.
A preview into the heart of a woman in waiting.
Help Lord, I don’t know what to do. I am in a place where I desire to leave, but there appears to be no way out. I know you’ve promised a way of escape in every trial and tribulation. But the longer I go through the trial of infertility the longer it seems that there is no way out.
I still love and will always love you, but I feel like I am drained of all energy to pray and ask. I feel like asking you for the same thing over and over again, diminish what you are.
I feel fear, not fear of not having a child of my own but fear that we’ll travel this road for a long time before you’ll come through for us. Is that the case Lord? Is it wrong to want you to do it now for us, by this time next year to be holding our own child? Is it wrong to give you a time frame?
The reason I feel this way is because I am looking at time, thinking I am getting older, but I remember you are ageless and operates outside time and will bring to pass our hearts need for a child regardless of age. But Lord, I don’t want to be 40 before having a child, MINE will be 58! Can I ask that, can I ask that you do it for us now! Am I allowed to ask that? Or is that lack of faith? I don’t know Lord. You know.
I feel left behind by friends and family who get pregnant before they start trying.
I feel like a pawn in your hand which you can do as you wish, I also know that you are my father a God of love who will not forsake or leave me. I know THAT Lord.
But I also feel alone, I focus on you and your power, but I also can’t help wondering why it’s taking you this long to do it.
Another reason is what I see happening around, even young mums are tired bringing up their new born, the sleepless nights, the cries, the nappy changes etc. How much more me, but then again I remember you are our strength. You said they that wait upon shall renew their strength. I know too that you will renew our strength for parenthood. I just want to see you high and lifted up in this situation.
I felt this way yesterday and told my father how I feel.
Today he encouraged me with my “Our Daily Bread” Gal 4:4.
“When the fullness of time had come, God send his Son”.
It reminded me that God’s time is perfect, though I want to have it now, though I don’t want to be 40 and my husband 58 to have kids, one thing he assured me is that he is never a day late or early, he is always just on time.
In his perfect timing he gave us his Son, when the world desperately needed a saviour he came through for us. He is still the same God, I look up to him and my countenance was enlightened.
So whenever you feel like time is passing by, that the hand of the clock is ticking and counting down, and it seems like your egg store is rapidly diminishing, remember the one who creates time can stop time for your sake and bring your heart felt desires to pass in perfect time!
Help Lord, I don’t know what to do. I am in a place where I desire to leave, but there appears to be no way out. I know you’ve promised a way of escape in every trial and tribulation. But the longer I go through the trial of infertility the longer it seems that there is no way out.
I still love and will always love you, but I feel like I am drained of all energy to pray and ask. I feel like asking you for the same thing over and over again, diminish what you are.
I feel fear, not fear of not having a child of my own but fear that we’ll travel this road for a long time before you’ll come through for us. Is that the case Lord? Is it wrong to want you to do it now for us, by this time next year to be holding our own child? Is it wrong to give you a time frame?
The reason I feel this way is because I am looking at time, thinking I am getting older, but I remember you are ageless and operates outside time and will bring to pass our hearts need for a child regardless of age. But Lord, I don’t want to be 40 before having a child, MINE will be 58! Can I ask that, can I ask that you do it for us now! Am I allowed to ask that? Or is that lack of faith? I don’t know Lord. You know.
I feel left behind by friends and family who get pregnant before they start trying.
I feel like a pawn in your hand which you can do as you wish, I also know that you are my father a God of love who will not forsake or leave me. I know THAT Lord.
But I also feel alone, I focus on you and your power, but I also can’t help wondering why it’s taking you this long to do it.
Another reason is what I see happening around, even young mums are tired bringing up their new born, the sleepless nights, the cries, the nappy changes etc. How much more me, but then again I remember you are our strength. You said they that wait upon shall renew their strength. I know too that you will renew our strength for parenthood. I just want to see you high and lifted up in this situation.
I felt this way yesterday and told my father how I feel.
Today he encouraged me with my “Our Daily Bread” Gal 4:4.
“When the fullness of time had come, God send his Son”.
It reminded me that God’s time is perfect, though I want to have it now, though I don’t want to be 40 and my husband 58 to have kids, one thing he assured me is that he is never a day late or early, he is always just on time.
In his perfect timing he gave us his Son, when the world desperately needed a saviour he came through for us. He is still the same God, I look up to him and my countenance was enlightened.
So whenever you feel like time is passing by, that the hand of the clock is ticking and counting down, and it seems like your egg store is rapidly diminishing, remember the one who creates time can stop time for your sake and bring your heart felt desires to pass in perfect time!
Wednesday, 22 April 2009
It Shall Come To Pass
Is there anything too hard for God to do? We’ve read that scripture, we know about that scripture, we’ve claimed it, talked about it, but do we really believe it. Do we really know that nothing is too hard for God to do? Have we grasped the essence of God in his all powerful all knowledgeable form?
If we have then why do we become so distraught and perplexed when faced with challenging circumstances?
Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying don’t cry or be sad when thing don’t turn out right, we are humans with emotions and will certainly feel pain real enough to cause despair.
But after the initial shock of whatever it is we face has passed where do we go from there? Do we continue with the same attitude of “whatever will be, will be” or go back to the rock of our salvation.
Faith is a belief, a believe that God will do what he said he will do. God’s word is full of promises to us, to the childless couple he said “you will be a mother of many nations” to the down trodden he is an up lifter
To those in darkness he said I’ve come as a light
God’s word has been fulfilled in Jesus. Whatever it is we want has already been provided all we have to do is step into the finish work of Calvary and claim what’s rightfully ours.
One of the ways I claim what’s mine in the word is by declaring it over my life, I know we already know this, but we need to move past the place of speaking the word to actually speaking it in faith knowing that it will come to pass otherwise it will just remain a confession.
There has to be a conviction down in our souls that we know that we know that we know that he is faithful who has promised and will bring it to pass.
So whatever you believe God for, no matter the obstacles, the problems, the issues, he is bigger than them all and will carry us over them, through them, around them and bring us safely to his perfect purpose for our lives.
If you are struggling to stay in the faith race, or have been waiting for that promised child for a long time, wait for it, it shall surely come, all you have to do is cry out to him “Lord I believe, help my unbelief”
As you do, watch him bring his promises to pass in your life.
Tuesday, 17 March 2009
Room of Hope
Empty cribs, adored with white ribbons and little glitters of wool cut mittens,
Waiting to be worn,
Hats of cream, blue and pink colours, adore this space, waiting for that special little bundle
I do not known when this special person shall come down from above and take their home.
One thing is sure,
The day will come, and a cry will ring from
a room so beautifully adored.
A room where hope is born
© Rina Rose
Waiting to be worn,
Hats of cream, blue and pink colours, adore this space, waiting for that special little bundle
I do not known when this special person shall come down from above and take their home.
One thing is sure,
The day will come, and a cry will ring from
a room so beautifully adored.
A room where hope is born
© Rina Rose
Monday, 2 March 2009
He Answers
Talk about God being at work. I know for sure that his hand is upon us and he has heard our prayers.
I have always had a long cycle, anything from 31 days to 36 this makes tracking ovulations difficult. I normally use ovulations kit but stopped after a while.
I had my first flow since the MS. one of my prayer is for God to grant me a perfect cycle. Ideally this is 28 days which means ovulation occurs on day 14.
My prayer has been for God to regulate my cycle, my hormones, and make our body to function the way he created it.
This petition has become stronger since the MS and I have prayed it as often as I can.
My flow started on the 26th of February an exact 28 day cycle. That is prayers answered.
On this journey I sometimes become cautious as I don’t want to be too hopeful, you know, get my hopes up and then nothing happened. But what is faith if I don’t believe that God will come through for me, no matter what.
The devil plays tricks on my mind telling me not to be too hopeful. This might just be a coincident. Well Mr Satan, it is not, this is what I asked for according to Matthew 21:22. If you ask anything in prayer, believing you will receive.
That is what I did and that scripture has been fulfilled in my life. So I am going to continue to believe God, to take him at his word, to hold on to it, no matter what I see, or experience. I will not quit, this too will pass.
God of my strength, you are my hope too, when times are rough and desires tarry,
You are my all.
I look to you and my countenance is enlightened. Your word is my bread all day long and as I wait in your presence, your peace I have as an anchor in the storm.
I have always had a long cycle, anything from 31 days to 36 this makes tracking ovulations difficult. I normally use ovulations kit but stopped after a while.
I had my first flow since the MS. one of my prayer is for God to grant me a perfect cycle. Ideally this is 28 days which means ovulation occurs on day 14.
My prayer has been for God to regulate my cycle, my hormones, and make our body to function the way he created it.
This petition has become stronger since the MS and I have prayed it as often as I can.
My flow started on the 26th of February an exact 28 day cycle. That is prayers answered.
On this journey I sometimes become cautious as I don’t want to be too hopeful, you know, get my hopes up and then nothing happened. But what is faith if I don’t believe that God will come through for me, no matter what.
The devil plays tricks on my mind telling me not to be too hopeful. This might just be a coincident. Well Mr Satan, it is not, this is what I asked for according to Matthew 21:22. If you ask anything in prayer, believing you will receive.
That is what I did and that scripture has been fulfilled in my life. So I am going to continue to believe God, to take him at his word, to hold on to it, no matter what I see, or experience. I will not quit, this too will pass.
God of my strength, you are my hope too, when times are rough and desires tarry,
You are my all.
I look to you and my countenance is enlightened. Your word is my bread all day long and as I wait in your presence, your peace I have as an anchor in the storm.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Open Hearts
In Gratitude