Maybe This Year

Maybe it will be me,
waddling around with a burden,
joyously trotting on,

maybe it will be me with a secret grin
as I await the extension of my protruding bump
excited about the outcome of what will be


Maybe it will be me,
in and out of all the shops
Invading them for little wares of blues or pink
and maybe both

Maybe it will be me
tirelessly waiting and counting the days
till my due date
to the arrival of our much awaited own burden of Joy

may be it will be me
packing up my bag for the trip to the birthing unit,
patiently and eagerly counting down the time

Maybe it will be me,
Writing out that birth announcement,
to friends and family of the arrival of baby Dion

Maybe it will be me, happily staying awake, nursing Dion,
and loving every minute

or maybe it will be me,
with dripping bibs and unkempt house,
not ashamed to smile amidst it all,
thankful for the cause of the mayhem,

So this year, Lord, maybe it will be me with that stick,
looking for that +ve sign,
that first heartbeat,
the second, the last scan
and finally the sweet sound from baby Dion as we welcome him/her to our beautiful world.

Maybe, maybe it will be us Lord! I want it to be us; we want it to be us.
We believe, we hope, we pray.
So Maybe, Just Maybe 2010 will be the year of possibilities.

A relief

After coming back from my Christmas holiday, I feel relaxed and relief that my period didn't come this month while on holiday. It was a hectic time away, the climbing and walking and hiking did us good. Now we are ready for all God has in store for us in 2010.

Happy New Year.

Why this time

Ovulating, but my honey was sick, So we couldn't try this month. Same thing happened last months, somehow something happens during this time.

I am now taking it to God in prayer. This has to stop

Keeping Quiet

I am currently evaluating my actions, attitude and relationships with close friends and family. Over the last couple of months I have felt the need to do this. One of the things I want to do is to be come secretive about my affairs. I have no problem doing that with not so close friends, but find it almost impossible to be that way with close family and my parents.

My parents know our situation and have been very supportive, praying and fasting on our behalf. My mum has told her prayer group at church and at work. I know she means well, but I don’t feel comfortable having my issue discussed by people I don’t know or relate with.

She’s shared it with members of the family I don’t want, prying on my affairs,
she means well I know, but I have evaluated the situation and feel that I have to keep certain things to myself. I will not tell my mum or other family members anymore than they already know. I’ve told her to stop but knowing my mum she will say prayer doesn’t do anyone harm! I can’t win. I’ve decided, all questions will be met with a silent nod of God is in control.

My husband’s family are different. His parents are very sympathetic to the situation and have respected our privacy.

Question, why do close siblings and one’s parent feel they have a right to pry and be involved in our affairs!

I am tired of the constant need to give an answer to close family and friend, to give a reason why I don’t attend that prayer meeting for women in waiting, to read supernatural child birth endlessly, to fast when I don’t feel like and to appear morose with the gravity of our situation weight down heavily on my shoulder when I don’t feel like.

So I’ve decided to keep my matter private, not that I tell them every details of what we face, but they know and take that as right to inquire and call or visit with a word of prayer or encouragement. Good intentions they may have, their concern is a constant reminder of our demise!

I love and respect my parents, but I am making excuses this Christmas! We are going away just the two of us to relax and have fun! Five days of doing nothing and who know!

Rina

Being Grateful

Being thankful can be difficult especially when we look at the cup that is half empty.
Its so easy to focus on the what might have beings, than on what was and what actually is right now.

Being grateful doesn't come easy, especially during the most trying and difficult times of our lives, because our focus is on our situation and to be honest even when we give God thanks in the mist of it all, it is with a heavy heart, and sometimes not to appear ungrateful, kind of out of duty and not out of a heart that is trully, trully grateful inspite of the odds!


So in the spirit of thanksgiving!

I am trully grateful in the mist of it all,
despite the odds, amidst the tears and the dissappointments, inspite of the pain,
Lord I am grateful,
Grateful for the life you've given us,
Grateful for health, job, family and friends
We am not improvished,
nor destitute
for food, clothing and shelter.
You've blessed us beyond our wildest dreams and for this
We are grateful.

Down through the path ways of life I wander
through the shadows of doubt and fear I tread
littered down this road are tears,
which serves as reminders of my dreads

down the path way of desires I stare
wondering amidst the clouds of pain
and through the mist of gloom
when desires will be come real and
and that which is hoped for within reach.

Down the path I walk on, for ahead looms the goal
within reached amidst the fits
and I as wander on in fear,
I feel his touch and his presence assured
urging me on, for the my dawn is near!

Rina!


and hi

God's Faithfulness

He's been faithful to me,
When my heart felt faint
'cos the wait felt long
He's remain faithful

He's been faithful to me
When the tears just won't stop
and the rain fell quick in torrential pour

He's been faithful to me
When in doubt I felt still
and my knees just won't bend

He's been faithful to me
Through out the years and inspite of my fears,
Through the changing gears of life
He's remain faithful to me.

Rina