Wednesday, 14 July 2010

Stay Quiet

No positive news to update on.

The wait continues.
Long into the night, filled with empty space, I long for what is elusive
I hope perhaps, this month will bring an end to the flow
As the lines on the kit turns double lines.

The Wait contiunes, no not for the kit to show two lines, but for my life to begin!
when will that be? I wonder,
I live but do I really?
why is the longing waning?
Why is the desire fading?

I know why? I no longer wait and stare longing at a child or pregnant woman,
waiting for expected delivery date to arrive

No! I just stay,
pray and sing, be sad when I feel like
or be happy and joyful when I feel like too!
Cry when the tears feel like falling!
and just stay!
Stay quiet and attend to the details of my life which are working out well
I just stay!

You may be in that place where nothing makes sense and you want to quite, you don't know how to carry on, but you do any way.
Be still and know that He is God. He sees your Pain
Lean on him and stay.

Friday, 16 April 2010

Change tatics

We were created to fellowship with God. It therefore means that our primary activity here on earth is to walk day by day with God worshiping him.
95% of our prayer life should be praise, worship, and thanksgiving. Not asking, complaining, crying and pleading with God to do something.

What do we mean when we ask God to grant us the desires of our heart?
What are these desires anyway? Do we really think he doesn’t already know what we need or want? Why then is our mentality automatically one of asking him to do for us?

Here’s my answer: God has done and granted us all that we will ever need or want. He did that on Calvary when he died to give us life and this life comes with all that we need. No wonder most of our prayers go unanswered because we spend little time fellowshipping and worshiping him but telling him what he already knows!

He said before you call I will answer, when you call I will hear.
He said come into his presents with thanks giving enter into his courts with praise.
Yes we can ask God for things and issue but given that he already knows, why waste time reciting it to him? God’s already done it our prayer cannot change him. Surprise, are you?
God has already done it we don’t have it because we have not receive it. Yes, when you come into his presence with a mentality of asking him to do…. Rather than thanking him for having already done… we come unsure and when we don’t’ receive we automatically rationalise it.

We’ve reasoned …. Maybe there’s sin in my life
I am not praying enough…
It is not his will…. Or not his time….
We’ve not done this or done that…..

If our reasoning of God is like this, then it is flawed. God is not angry with us, we did nothing to merit Jesus? If we didn’t’ deserve Jesus, why then after salvation do we think and act like we have to DO to deserve his blessings? Are all the blessings not in Jesus? Or is the cross separate from certain blessings?

God is loving, kind, good and faithful. He’s done it, all we have to do is start praising him for the answer. Step in and receive the finish work done at Calvary, stop asking him to do what he’s already done.

Will we not wait for our child to cry, plead, knee, do the chores and such like before we pay their hospital bill, take them on holiday, and clothe them, WE EVEN ANTICIPTATE THEIR NEED BEFORE THEY ARISE!
Why do we think less of God? You don’t I hear you say, why then do you beg him to do what he’s already done, when you have not accepted his finished work?
We quote scriptures of the unjust judge who relented and showed mercy after persistence asking from the subject. We also quote scriptures of the friend who knocked on the door of his friend’s house because he had nothing to give his visitor and persisted until his friend opened the door to him and gave him what he asked to get rid of him.

Jesus was saying here, if this judge and your friend are humans and will only answer after your persistence, given that I am not a man and am loving and kind, I won’t wait for you to cry, shout, plead and knock. I will do better, before you call I will hear, while you are yet praying I will answer.

No wonder prayer is not exciting because we view it as a chore, will you go back to your friend in the event of another need knowing that he reluctantly opened to you the last time? The same thing with God praying about the same issue wearies us; we keep coming with the same issuing in order to remind him, as if he has forgotten! no wonder we don’t look forward to praying, because at the back of our minds is the thought “I’ve been praying and asking about this issue for a long time now still no result, I’ll just keep at it one day he will have mercy” with this attitude, we’ve made the Cross of Christ of no effect.

We should approach the throne of grace boldly with thanksgiving: sing his praise, thanking him for his goodness, for his love and just get loss in his presence, just fellowship and worship, you’ll be surprised and filled with faith that by the time you mention your request it will be with a thankful heart and for only a few minutes! After thanking and worshipping him you will find yourself saying. Father I think I have this need, but I know you are already aware and have made the provision. I trust your grace and believe you’ve supplied the answer. So I step in and accept all the answer, I thank you for providing it. Go back to praising and worshipping him you’d be greatly surprised that you will lack nothing with this new approach to prayer!

Tuesday, 16 March 2010


The other day I rambled on and on.
Thanks to all those who left comments of encouragements, they meant a lot.

Mother's day went without any event. I hate receiving cards or calls of encouragement. In a way I was dreading the day because I knew my friends and family will call or text a happy mother's day message. I was secretly hoping they won't remember me. I know they mean well but really I don't mind not getting a greeting, I hate being patronised for anyone to thinking I am at home sulking, cause I wasn't.
I was fine on the day really, happy and relaxed. Church was great, we had a special programme and it was really nice to be around so many women of faith.

And as I wished, I received only 3 text messages, from people who really mean a lot to me, trying friends too.
I felt bad that I didn't think to send them text on the day. Here I was thinking only of myself and forgetting other's who would have loved a call of encouragement. I repented and asked God to grant all those waiting their heart's desire by next mother's day.
My God daughter, (bless her) called me at 7.00 am to wish me happy mother's day. I was still sleeping but her message was so sweet. At 5 years of age I am not sure she understood what she was wishing me, but it meant the world to me.

To all those who didn't have a son or daughter of their own to wish them happy Mother's day.
I pray that the good Lord will grant you your heart's desires to be mums and to have your own little burden of Joy by this time Next year.

Happy belated Mother's Day.


Saturday, 6 March 2010

Still Waiting

My emotions were sky high during my last flow. I felt like this year is progressing so quickly with no sign of me being pregnant. I have been praying more along this line and specifically asking God to make me pregnant again soon.

Sometimes I wonder it this is the right way to pray. I've tried all forms of praying and believing and just wonder what the problem is. I'll like to try another IVF but finances are limited. I know deep down that God will do it, but it's a question of when.

My flows are getting better and are more regular than they've been for years. I am positive that God will hear and answer, but when Lord?
My husband, bless him has been encouraging saying we should just enjoy our lives without kids, that he won't love me any less, that is not the point, I just want God's word to be fulfilled in our home.

I have so many things I want to do with our kids, I want to stay at home and bake, cook and clean, I want to run around in the garden with then.
I want to go for long walks with my baby in the pram and wave at other mums.
I want to take time off work and just enjoy being a mum.
I will love every moment of motherhood I promise,
I will welcome the sleepless nights, the endless cries, and whatever else comes with being a mum, but until then, Lord, I am still waiting.

Today the 12 April brings back memories of this post written on the 6 March 2010.

Today I am a mum of 2 young girls.
Today, I have  enjoyed all of the things I wanted to do as mum 6 years ago.
I run around the garden with my two girls.
I bake with them,
I did go for long walks on with my baby and wave at other mums
I took over 2 years off work to be a mum and enjoyed every minute of that
I had lots of sleepless nights and didn't complain.

Today I am no longer waiting.

Your story may still be one of waiting, but tomorrow your story may change.
Your captivity may turn to your
Your day of motherhood will come
Till then
Wait, in joy, abound in hope, be still.

Wednesday, 6 January 2010

Maybe This Year

Maybe it will be me,
waddling around with a burden,
joyously trotting on,

maybe it will be me with a secret grin
as I await the extension of my protruding bump
excited about the outcome of what will be

Maybe it will be me,
in and out of all the shops
Invading them for little wares of blues or pink
and maybe both

Maybe it will be me
tirelessly waiting and counting the days
till my due date
to the arrival of our much awaited own burden of Joy

may be it will be me
packing up my bag for the trip to the birthing unit,
patiently and eagerly counting down the time

Maybe it will be me,
Writing out that birth announcement,
to friends and family of the arrival of baby Dion

Maybe it will be me, happily staying awake, nursing Dion,
and loving every minute

or maybe it will be me,
with dripping bibs and unkempt house,
not ashamed to smile amidst it all,
thankful for the cause of the mayhem,

So this year, Lord, maybe it will be me with that stick,
looking for that +ve sign,
that first heartbeat,
the second, the last scan
and finally the sweet sound from baby Dion as we welcome him/her to our beautiful world.

Maybe, maybe it will be us Lord! I want it to be us; we want it to be us.
We believe, we hope, we pray.
So Maybe, Just Maybe 2010 will be the year of possibilities.

Open Hearts

Open Hearts
In Gratitude