I wonder, is it ok to ask God questions? Questions about our situations? Is it a sin to ask why?
Right now I feel like asking alot of questions.
Just like Job who echoed, shall we recieve good only and not evil? Shall we recieve evil only and not good I say?
I am just so full of emotions right now I need to spill this out. Just learnt that my brother-in-law and his wife are expecting their first child! You see she is going to be 41 this year, they've only been married 6 months and she is 3 months pregnant.
If my second pregnancy had progressed normally, I would have been one week ahead of her.
On hearing the news, I fell apart, I was happy for them but this was a reminder of my recent loss.
I sat lost for word, tears started falling down my face, for the first time since the last misscarriage I carried tears of loss.
And I wondered why me God, why? So many thoughts crossed my mind, I should have been sharing my news, we would have been on maternity leave together, do things together, what is wrong with me Lord? One minute I couldn't get pregnant, now I get pregnant and can't keep the babies, Lord, these people don't know you. They don't fast and pray for a baby, they don't haven your word to stand on, yet it came so easily for them, why not me Lord?
I am so glad my brother-in-law told my hubby over the phone, that saved me the energy of having to go throught the motions.
Why did it hurt so bad? I am happy for them of course, but it just made my own situation so real. I can imagine the whole family members sending their congratulations and wandering about us?
My colleague at work is expecting too and we would have been due almost the same time had the first pregnany stayed, now this! it seems that everyone is sharing their good news but me. She is going on maternity leave this week, yesterday was my due date for the last pregnancy. Just when I was getting over it I learnt of this news.
Sometimes it appears that God wants me to be pregnant alone, all my friends have had children and some have finished.
I still love God, and believe his word for us will be fulfilled, but its just not knowing when and having to deal with other people's news. I feel like hiding away and doing my thing, just leaving one day at a time.
Well I just have to run to him and cry to him as my father he knows best. I believe this is my test and when he has tried me I shall come forth as pure gold.
5 comments:
Hey... yes, it is very much okay to ask God questions. What God wants from us is for Him to be REAL with Him. Scream, shout, stump your feet, lament all you want. However you do it, I encourage you to tell God exactly you feel.
you see, we can learn from the Psalmist David, the whole of the book of psalms is about David, displaying his love, anger, confusion, even accusations at God, however, in the middle of all his ranting and lamentations, He never denounced God, He still believed God to be a good God, without a shadow of doubt. He still believed God to be faithful to see about Him and come to his rescue.
God knows we have all these feelings and emotions going on within us, and He is God enough to handle it all, infact He wants us to voice it out, cus when we do, it brings us even more closer to Him; where He will give us some answers to the questions we ask, assurance, peace and much more.
I can say from experience how I often lament, praise and trust God, similtaneously. Infact, my friends jokely tell me I am writing my own book of lamentations, and giving David a run for His money lol.. I look at my friends and they married, with kids and the rest of it, but I seem to be travelling on the slowest train to Georgia to find the man to get the altar! ha!
But, God is still good, ALL the time...
I pray He gives you peace, comfort and strength to see this journey through. Children are a gift and inheritance from God, and He is not a wicked God who will withhold such precious gifts from His children. I encourage you to keep trusting and hoping and growing in Him and He will give you the very desires of your heart...
stay strong.. much Love .. x
Even if you don't yell out to God in anger, or you don't verbally say those words...God knows what you're thinking. He will NEVER leave you nor forsake you. You've already asked the questions...and the answers will come.
I've asked many questions too. It's not a sin!
Ask "Why?" in faith. Rebecca, in a different pregnancy difficulty, said, "Why am I thus" and God answered her. Gen 25: 22.
Hi
First time here
Very interesting blog you have here, I was thinking about it, you are using what you are going through to encourage, bless and exhort other people.
You know what , God would bless you for it and help is very near.
I am going through a phase too that its difficult to sincerely rejoice with others when they when they're having those things I really desire and I've prayed, fasted and cried for.
But weeping may endure ...its just for a night, Joy would surely show up in the morning
Cheers!
I asked questions too....I guess we wall do at some point....
Thanks to everyone, Remi your words really blessed me, Jaycee, Olufunke and David, as you have encouraged me, God will send people to encourage you in your times of need.
Thanks.
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